It’s been a while. My mental state has already transcended anything
sane, but it doesn’t matter. I am still here, but not to suffer.
Last Sunday, I went visiting an ex-classmate of mine in her new
university city. She seems to be okay (and her boyfriend, too!). We
went on a tour around the city and visited the local museum. It was a
long day, but it was worth it.
The first week of lessons just finished. Needless to say I got my
schedule wrong in every way possible: no time to recover from commuting,
no time for copying notes and studying, no time to catch up with my
friends. Well, almost no time for my friends: luckily I
managed to have breakfast with a colleague of mine before rushing home
to hang the laundry.
There are other things I felt during this week, and some of them are
symptoms of a
but I hope I need no trips to Psycholand.
2023-02-24 — Guess who’s back, motherf—?
Finally. I am free from exam season! Well, at least
for two or three days: next classes are next Monday, so… yeah. Words
can’t describe how much I needed a break: the entries on my bullet
journal kept getting sadder and more tired every single day; I should
have asked for help more than I did, but I managed to reach the end
anyway — and that’s a positive for sure.
By the way, I’m not the only person “back”. My boy Skrillex
released a couple albums and a bunch of singles within a single month.
I still don’t have an opinion on most tracks, but
the last one uploaded on his
YouTube channel isn’t too bad.
Tonight is film night: we have the second
LOTR on the menu. I hope
it’s as good as the first one!
There was a Bingo afternoon at my local church yesterday; I helped
with the tickets and with moving the tables in position. It was quite
fun and we received lots of compliments. Finally something good, useful
Speaking of fun things, I added
Arcana to my “treat” shopping list. This game isn’t too difficult
to grasp and at the same time it isn’t boring, since there are enough
randomly assigned cards so that two matches never play the same. A friend
of mine lended me his copy of the game and my little brother approved it
for some dank gaming nights.
Let’s just say there’s a lot of work I have to do on
myself to get out of my questionable mindset. A straight month of
on a real, paper notebook is helping me remember the good things
that happen, so that I don’t focus on the bad ones too much. Even if
some days I just feel like doing nothing, the pleasant situations
outweight the blue hours, for now.
I guess this journal will be weekly from now on, at least until
March. I’m not having enough things to report in a meaningful way to
write an entry every single day (or couple of days).
Yesterday I went to university for an interesting seminar about
the foundation of logic and mathematics. It was one of the most
inspiring lectures I had in a while. The only bad thing is that it’s
I stumbled upon this video
by Tantacrul. I didn’t know such evil people exist.
I was on the edge of a breakdown. Luckily, I didn’t alienate my
friends in the process, so they listened and offered a solid different
perspective. I can’t thank them enough; I’m so happy they exist.
I’m trying to fix my sleeping schedule. Today I woke up at 6:30AM to
go to uni and study. The problem is I was sleepy for too much
time, so the time I actually studied was quite little. I hope
tomorrow will be better in this regard.
I write for a small themed blog. I’ve been bouncing ideas with the
blog’s owner for a week. Today I shared some of them with the rest of the
team, but they weren’t exaclty enthusiast…
2023-01-09 — Stop being so sad!
Oh, dear, how much negativity in my entries! All it took was one
afternoon of good work and studying with no constant distraction by
Reddit and HN to feel better. Perhaps my brain categorises studying
at a higher level than mindlessly reading other people’s comments on
things I’m mildly interested in. I need to take notes on this.
I still write “2022” on this thing’s date. That’s mildly annoying.
Almost nothing happened today. The highest point in the day was
this mix I listened to while
doing stuff on the computer. And by stuff I mean waste precious time. My
resolutions are not helping me — and why should they? I should help
I watched the first LOTR
film for the first time in my life. I was quite missing something,
to be honest. It still isn’t my favourite film, but it’s good
I’m probably going back to university on Monday, and since exams
are in two weeks I may update this little thing way less than I would
I’m updating this thing today, because yesterday’s dinner was
the only thing worthy of note. I went eating sushi with some
friends of friends I’d never met before. They were good people,
to be honest, and some of them were quite fun as well. Unfortunately
there is a little issue going on with a mutual friend: his girlfriend
isn’t welcome, as far as I understood the situation. I’m not a fan of
this, since said friend is my friend nonetheless, and it
would be sad if we didn’t meet again due to his girlfriend.
Today I drove my parents to the train station: they’re going on
a 2-day trip (I can’t remember where they did go, but whatever).
The problem is I had to wake up at a sensible hour instead of the
usual 11AM I’m used to at the moment. Well, I caught up with the
sleeping as soon as I got home.
This is the first day of the year I dedicate to studying. Yay…
Yesterday I set my bullet journal up with a couple of
custom sections I may need throughout the year, especially the
theme ideas section: since I want to choose a different theme
for each season/quarter, I may need ready-made ideas if the next thing
isn’t obvious to me.
2023-01-01 — New Year’s here!
Happy New Year, everyone! I’m starting 2023 with a really bad cold,
but at least I’m still here, and not to suffer.
Following the suggestion from
CGP Grey’s video, I
decided to start the Winter of Management: I realised my life
is going nowhere specifically, and that may be due to a lack of me
actually managing what happens to me. I don’t know whether this theme
thing will do the trick, but at least I must give myself some months
to try it without whining about “nothing going as planned” (if nothing
is actually planned, nothing can go as planned).
Of course this journal will contain eventual failures or successes
of this journey. I bought a physical notebook (slightly bigger than A5
in size) to track some other things, but having a public
interface for it can have some good effects on my mental being.
2022-12-29 — RIP Catbox
I don’t know why, but the Catbox
service stopped working. To be fair, the whole website seems
unreachable. I hope it’s a temporary problem, and nothing to worry
Luckily, someone else is doing the preparations for New Year’s
Eve. Thanks, my friends, for letting me sleep these days! :)
I discovered a good album on Bandcamp. You should check it
2022-12-28 — Christmas aftermath
These last days have been quite good: the Mass was okay, the dinner
with relatives was fine (I guess) and the trip with the parish’s kids
was actually quite fun.
Today is the day I wrap up everything and start studying again.
I know getting back to the “usual” rythm will be hard, but I must
do it, because exams aren’t that far away.
2022-12-23 — Christmas pressure
Christmas is coming, if you didn’t know. I’m feeling it right now,
because I have some preparation to do and everything is due tomorrow
or even the 25th and I would rather chill and do nothing for days.
Luckily Christmas is only once a year.
Winter officially started yesterday, but the sky is grey today
as well. My will to live is still quite shaky, but I can do this.
I wonder if being always within the last three updated sites on
Ichi makes me eligible for a prize, maybe a peluche toy.
Yesterday was all about catching up with schoolwork. After dinner,
I lost three hours watching some top EDM charts. Going to bed at 1AM
wasn’t a great idea.
Just before lunch, I watched GMTK’s
“Developing”, and my mental state went quite high.
I was looking for the link and found this as well.
I want to test whether FLAC files can be directly accessed on HTML
The answer is a clear yes.
2022-12-20 — Something went fine
The social thing last evening went fine. The guy who helped
me was very nice and supportive. Unfortunately, when I got home I
was informed my brother was sick.
Yet again, I’m struggling to find the motivation to study.
Tomorrow will be better, I hope; but for now I need to concentrate.
2022-12-19 — The beginning of this little thing.
Not feeling great lately: it’s like I lost interest on my usual
hobbies. Not even music cuts it anymore. I hope it’s not because I
feel the need to be engaged to someone instead of
The first paragraph was written at night, but now it’s actually
the new day. I should have studied, or at least should have read
something from lecture. But no, nothing. I always hope my future me
gets better at this, but I’m never that future me.
Well, at least this evening I can be useful to somebody: there is
an event in town and my help is needed for the preparation.
Unfortunately, the guy I usually work with in these cases is sick
(thanks, COVID), so someone new will come.
Finally, at 3PM I found some will to study. I need to thank